Graveyard Guru - 4/19/2012

Cemetery Etiquette: How to Act When Graveyard Hopping 

                                                               by Stephanie Lincecum

“Cemeteries are outdoor art galleries; repositories of a society’s most cherished values and beliefs, a record of collective and individual life.” So says Christina Leima of the Tombstone Travelers Guide. Pretty heavy stuff.

If the statement above is true, and I believe it is, we rabbits need to be sure to act properly when visiting a cemetery. We want to represent ourselves and the Association well. And for the many with young children in tow, we should keep in mind we are role models.

One of the first things we need to know when visiting a cemetery are the rules that apply to that particular cemetery. Sometimes, there will be a posting of rules and regulations at the cemetery entrance. Those need to be followed first and foremost.

Next would be the visiting hours for the cemetery. If none are posted, “dawn to dusk” is a good guideline.
The City of Savannah, Georgia, Department of Cemeteries offers the following:

• Appreciate memorials as they are. Do not add to, take away from, or modify a memorial in any way.
• Do not intrude on funeral or memorial services.
• Do not bring alcohol, firearms, or entertainment items into cemeteries.
• Keep pets leashed and under control. Clean up after them. [If the cemetery has an office, first check to make sure pets are welcome.]
• Do not litter (this includes cigarette butts), and do not interfere with plants and wildlife.
• Keep vehicles on designated roadways or in parking areas. Idling vehicle engines can be harmful to landscaping and historical structures.

Research suggests the following are the generally accepted “rules of cemetery etiquette.” They are so often and widely stated, I cannot attribute credit to any certain individual or organization.

• Move nothing except obvious trash.
• No loud music. If in your vehicle, the music should not be heard by anyone outside of it.
• Keep cell phone conversations quiet.
• Do not do rubbings without permission. Each cemetery has a different stance on this. Some will allow it, some will not. Some will require permission from the lot owner. Always ask.
• Drive through cemeteries at a slow speed.
• If asked to put away your camera, do so. Some cemeteries are considered private property. Some consider each lot to be a private property.
• Never trespass. If a cemetery is located on private property, get permission from the land owner before visiting.
• Keep conversations with companions at a respectable volume. I don’t think a whisper is required, but shouting is obviously disrespectful and unnecessary.
• Leave no evidence of your visit.
• Report fresh vandalism incidents immediately.
• Cemeteries are not to be used as a camping ground or “lovers’ lane.”
• Picnics are usually acceptable, but be sure to leave the area cleaner than when you arrived. (I imagine this to be true in the many park-like cemeteries, but I would not assume this to be true at every cemetery.)
• Do not pick flowers. Not even the ones that are part of the general cemetery landscape. This is against the law in some places.

I also want to offer a reminder to be aware of religions and cultures other than your own. The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning by Rabbi Maurice Lamm, for example, states the holiness of a cemetery is equal to the holiness of a sanctuary. And eating and drinking may not take place. Something that seems perfectly fine to you just might be offensive to someone else.

One of the most important rules of cemetery etiquette is to be kind and courteous to all you meet. We rabbits might be happy and excited to be hopping around the graveyard, but the family a short distance away might just be in mourning. Leave others at peace, unless you are approached. Always be honest as to why you are visiting a particular cemetery, especially if a cemetery employee is doing the asking. We don’t want to wear out our welcome!

Finally, a few words from the Natchez City Cemetery Association: “Please treat these sacred graves and grounds with respectful reverence they deserve.”

Happy Hopping!